Mountaineering and Marriage

The other day my friend told me he was going to climb Mount Rainier.  I took one look at him and said, "Are you serious?"  He is easily 100 pounds overweight, I never see him exercise, and he struggles with climbing the stairs, much less the tallest mountain in the Washington.  What should I say?  "Hey that's great!  Congratulations!  I'm so excited for you."  Or should I tell him the truth?  "Hey man, I think you should think about that.  Climbing Mount Rainier is serious business and you don't want to just rush into it."  

Actually, the other day my friend told me he was going to get married, not climb Mt. Rainier.  And he's not overweight at all.  In fact, he's totally fit, but I'm not sure he's fit for marriage.  Now what do I say?  "Hey, that's great!  Congratulations!  I'm so excited for you."  Or should I tell him the truth?  

Interestingly, the likelihood of successfully summitting Mt. Rainier is roughly the same as the likelihood of staying married: 50%.   So why do we always say, "Congratulations!" when someone announces their wedding plans?  When I was in my 20's, everybody was getting married, then in my 30's, everybody was having kids, now in my 40's it seems like I'm surrounded by divorce.  I'm sick of it and I think there's a lot more that I and my church can be doing to address this problem at the divorce end of the equation, but we should start by addressing it at the wedding end.  

At the risk of being the party pooper, the next time someone tells you they are getting married or better yet, they are thinking about proposing, take the time to give them some honest insight and feedback.  Marriage is like climbing a mountain:  possibly the most difficult and rewarding thing you'll ever do in your life.  If you are prepared, and go about it in the right way, it will be tremendously rewarding, but if you approach it cavalierly it will go terribly wrong and could very well kill you or at least your soul.   

I think one of the best things we can do to reduce divorce is to help people be more realistic about marriage upfront.  It's going to be tough and you may not be up for the challenge.  Look before you leap!

Photo courtesy of Jason Shipley of Uniquely Northwest Photography. https://www.facebook.com/uniquelynorthwestphotography/

What kind of King do you serve?

I suppose there are three kinds of people. Those who serve a good king, those who serve a bad king, and those who are trying to be king. But is it possible that there is really just one kind of person? Wouldn't it make sense that everyone deep down in their core wants to serve a good king rather than the other two options? Then why don't they?

Consider the one who is serving a bad king. Why do they do it? In the Chronicles of Narnia, there were beasts who served the White Witch, and of course, in the recent making of the film those beasts were as ugly as could be, making it all the easier to hate them. But why did they serve the White Witch? I suspect it was fear and historical momentum. Fear is how it started and historical momentum is how it was maintained. We are by nature creatures of fear. Fear is an incredibly powerful force and we submit ourselves to it daily.

When the White Witch took over initially, she did it through an exertion of power, by using her magic to turn creatures into stone. This would no doubt elicit a large amount of fear which allowed her to manipulate a larger and larger population. Once those creatures who were so afraid of her began to do her bidding, they formed habits and established a pattern of behavior that would have been passed to their families and communities. Before long there was a whole army of creatures serving an evil monarch. I don't believe anyone really wanted to serve her, especially once they got to know her. But once inside her circle fear and momentum ruled the mind and therefore the actions of her servants.

Now consider the one who wants to be king. Why be king? What does a king get that a subject does not? Power is the first thing that comes to my mind, but power, like money, is by itself is useless. It is only a means to an end. So, what end? If you boil it down, all the things one can get with power or money serve to make a person either comfortable or excited, or both. Think about it. Sex, food, toys, adventures. They all comfort and excite. So what if there were a good king who would provide everything necessary to be comforted and excited without all the stress of being in control of an empire? This brings us back to fear, because if I fear that such a king doesn't exist or won't provide those things for me, and I don't want to serve another king, then my only choice is to become a king myself.

I believe the White Witch wants to serve Aslan, but she is paralyzed by fear that he won't love and provide for her. And the wolves want to serve Aslan, but they live in fear of the White Witch who is here and now, and don't know Aslan who was not present for so long. Aslan, the true ruler could force both of them to serve him, but he chooses not to. He allows them to make their own choice. And some, like Edward and Eustace, he chooses to love in such an overwhelmingly present way that they could choose no other path than to serve him.

It all comes down to fear. Think about that the next time you see a "bad" person, whether it's at work, on the road, in the news, or in the mirror. What does he or she fear? Might you be the one to introduce them to Aslan?

On my best days, I'm trying to serve the one true good king.  But when I'm weak, I'm prone to try to be king.  What about you?  Do you find yourself more likely to serve the wrong king or to try to be king?

NOTE: This essay was originally posted on Facebook on my Mark D. Bullard Author page on Sept 9, 2014.  

A Saturday Peace

We use firewood to heat our home, and every morning I go out to the firewood shed to bring in firewood for the day.  I have to make several trips to bring in enough wood to heat the house for the next 24 hours (we burn 7 chords of wood per season).  When I'm bringing in those pieces of wood, I evaluate them to pick the right pieces at the right time.  For instance, I always try to grab wetter and more square shapes first to put on the bottom of the pile.  They make a steady base, and they'll dry out more before they get used.  Then I add the drier and possibly odder shapes near the top of the pile since they will be thrown into the fire sooner and they don't need to hold pieces above them.  

 There is one type of piece, however, that I avoid bringing in: the Saturday piece.  A Saturday piece is a problem piece.  It's too big or oddly shaped or wet to throw on the pile for a normal day.  I'm typically gone during the day on weekdays and I don't want to make my wife deal with the odd or inconvenient piece.  But on Saturdays I'm around and it's no big deal to wrestle with that piece on those days.  If it's particularly wet, I leave it right in front of the fire to dry it out, and if it's really big, I get the fire nice and hot, then make space for it.  The bottom line is that some wood is just going to be too much of a pain to deal with on an ordinary day and is best dealt with when I'll have time to address it without stress.  Do you see where I'm going with this?  It's not procrastination to identify a problem too gnarly to deal with right now and set it aside for a time when you know you can address it.  Procrastination is arriving on Saturday and wimping out and opting not to deal with those pieces when I know I can.  Knowing that I'll deal with those problems on the weekend gives me a Saturday peace all week long.